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Finding Me, Again

About 10 months postpartum, I am ready.

I am ready to workout, put on makeup, get dressed even if I am not leaving the house, read a book, etc.

Right before I met my love and became pregnant. I figured out my routine. Hmmm....before I added Rocky to my life, I was on point with work, gym, and eating right. It was blissful. Oh and I was attending college. Finally things were on track and going smoothly.

Today, I reflect on why I have held on to returning to that specific moment. Subconsciously, I want to recreate that routine, I envision it occurring. The reality is that it cannot be repeated. It will have to be a new creation to fit my new lifestyle and now I can finally make it happen. You see, I have not done anything close to a workout routine because I've been holding on to something old. That old thing did work and it worked well. However, I had a difficult time understanding that it's impossible to make it happen again, in the same way.

Here's a little insight to my recovery. I bruised or broke the tiny tail bone we all have. Not the big one, but there's a tip that sits above it, that one. It took a very long time for my body to recover. Even to this day, it's a but painful when I sit too long or in a way that puts pressure on that tiny tailbone. Also, post delivery, my organs were still moving back into place. Naturally, that had an impact on physical activity and self-esteem.

A little TMI here, postpartum sex was not that pleasurable until now. Things shifted and the positions were just not comfortable. Period. I tried a few different things, but no go. We went months without sex. For us, there wasn't pressure on either person to "get there" or a case of "being selfish". Tony was understanding of my state of mind and the state of my body because we had effective communication. I clearly stated what I was feeling throughout my healing process, as did he. The thing is, it's not always the woman, the man is going through their own healing and sorting through the new way of living.

With all of that and some, I am finally feeling more like ME. The ME that put effort into my hair, the ME that cared that my shirt wasn't wrinkled, the ME that always showered and brushed her teeth. Believe it or not, you forget. hahaha.......I am doing it!

First, it was making sure I changed out of my pjs a.k.a whatever I found to sleep in. Then, I moved on to hair care. With my curls its a mission to get it looking decent. I choose to brush up on the new do's and do not's for my type of hair. (It cost too much to discover solo). Next was making sure my eye brows were well manicured. I've studied how to manage them myself because I do not trust anyone to do them AND I love saving money. Lastly, I came back around to my clothing. See, there is one thing about making sure you are no longer wearing the clothes you slept in and the other is about looking good. I finally, carefully, picked out my outfits. It has felt so good to get back to that! I am feeling sexy, confident, and like I can take on the world!

Next up, more workouts to tone my body!

I found ME again!

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